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bijoukisses

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(no subject) [Apr. 16th, 2008|06:40 pm]
bijoukisses
[Current Mood |busybusy]

So I went to Wilmington with Nancy to do a show this weekend.  We had a really good time.  I saw my little sister for the first time in over a year.  It was good to see her.  She actually seemed so much more herself than when she was living here with Katrine.  As much as I really do love them despite all the bullshit, my family is really so much better off at a distance.  I just can't deal with them close by.  They suck all of my energy and I can't be myself.  I decided that I need to rid myself of all people who have this effect on me, or at least keep them far enough away that they do not have any power over me.

I am writing fast, so the excruciating details that I would normally put in are not there today (sorry Nancy!). I have actually started writing this several times and keep closing it before it is finished, so it may seem semi-fragmented.  Here is the quick and dirty version of what has been going on...

I applied for a rep job at SCAD and interviewed over spring break (I ran into some of my students in the lobby while I was waiting - ha! how awkward!).  It went okay, but I got kind of a wierd feeling about it like I knew I wasn't going to get it, and that most likely I didn't even really want it after all.  I then received an email from my sister with some other job postings.  One of them is fabulous and just what I have been looking for (well at least really close) at a private school.  The only issue being that private schools don't usually pay that well.  The same day I received an email from SCAD letting me know that I did not get the rep job.  My sister called, however to let me know that they are very interested in hiring me for a different position that is probably more suited to my experience.  It turns out after hearing more detail that I am also very excited about this position.  I officially applied online and emailed the lady that interviewed me to let her know that I am interested. 

Okay, this is all I can write right now because I need to go pick up dinner but I will add more later!  Promise!!
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puzzled [Mar. 29th, 2008|12:18 am]
bijoukisses
[Current Mood |lonelylonely]

I feel like my life is a puzzle that I can't find all of the pieces to.  I keep searching aimlessly as I find random pieces of myself on the floor under the couch and along the sidewalk.  I know they somehow fit, but I can't quite find how or where.  They appear to belong, but that whole section is missing, so I am trying to navigate some foreign, vast land of unknownness!  The funny thing is, that all the while, I am having the most uncanny sense of deja vous.  I know that I have taken this road before, but I can't put all of the signs together to figure out where I am supposed to go.  It's like a scavenger hunt that you did years ago, but need to rediscover none the less.  And when the signs all add up or the pieces all come together, the picture is so clear that you can't believe that it ever didn't make any sense.  But, the real problem is that this isn't really a road that you have traveled before.  It just seems familiar because you are the same.
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My Life... [Mar. 24th, 2008|02:50 pm]
bijoukisses
[Current Mood |crappycrappy]

Vermont is perceived to be such a tranquil place.  A vacation getaway with fancy ski resorts and a beautiful fall foliage worth traveling for miles to see.  Everyone is rich and lives in beautiful farm houses and use antique china and own bed and breakfasts that serve hot pancakes with fresh made maple syrup from the back yard, right?  WRONG!  It is such a disappointment to drive through the beautiful forest on the curvy two lane highway only to surface in a trailer park.  The entire state smells like cow manure and every household owns at least one shotgun!  The beverage of choice is Bud Light (in a can preferable), and you have to kill or grow your own dinner. 
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snow bunny! [Mar. 16th, 2008|01:52 pm]
bijoukisses
[Current Mood |bouncy]

On top of the world.  The world spins.  Soon you are on the bottom.  Then the top, then the bottom and on and on and on.  How does one stay on the top?  Do you get dizzy and fall of if it spins to fast, or does that hold you on and just make you sick?  How slow does a train have to be moving in order to jump on?  How fast can it be moving and you can still jump off.  I always have been afraid of the beginnings and ends... getting on and off.  I am definitely less fearful of the getting on, the starting, even if it takes several tries.  It seems though, that the longer I stay on, the more afraid I am to jump off.  Of course, me being me, there is no just stepping off gracefully.  I either jump and land clumsily, or spin out of control and somehow end up on my feet.  I remember when I was learning to ski... oh, the memories!  I may have very well been the worst, clumsiest skier in all of Vermont!  You would think that growing up in VT that it would practically be in my blood and I should ski with grace down the mountain with no effort... HA!  I actually skied backwards down the mountain with my snow pants around my ankles, fearing my life the whole time once.  I also ran over (literally, ran over their skies) like 10 students and an instructor during a lesson one time!  AND, we weren't even supposed to be moving yet!  Yup, pretty bad.  Now, back to what I was saying....  When I was first learning to ski, there was a small, not as steep, trail called the bunny hill (I'm sure you are familiar with the term) where you would practice your skills until confident enough to brave the larger, steeper, longer trails.  You know the drill... Well, in order to get to the top of the bunny hill, you had to get on this machine thing called the J-bar (some refer to it as the T-bar?).  It was, if you are not aware, a long pole that hangs from a rail and has a hookish part at the bottom (hence the name J-bar - I'm not sure why someone would see it as a T??) that was supposed to hit you in the back of the legs and gently push you up the hill.  Well, I don't know if you have ever experienced someone coming up behind you when you were unaware and hitting you in the back of the legs, but it pretty much makes me lose my balance and sometimes fall down.  Yes, this is what happened practically every time!  I can't even tell you how many times they had to stop the whole contraption and pick me back up to try again.  THEN, when I finally was able to stay on and it began to push me up the hill, I would start to relax and forget that I was not supposed to SIT on the bar.  Yep, fell off then too.  Or, some other poor fool couldn't get on either and they would stop it when I was half way up the "mountain" and when it would start again, you guessed it, I fell.  I think I spent more time on the ground then actually skiing.  Imagine how relieved I was to find out that you could actually SIT on the chair lift that took you up the actual mountain!  This put me in high gear for getting down the actual skiing part.  I was finally ready to brave the big mountain.  I was prepared for death by humiliation rather than to ever have to get on that dreaded J-bar again.  Little did I know that the chair lift could be even worse... if you didn't get off at the right moment, it kept going!  They actually had to stop it one time and back it up so that I could get off!
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Asleep waking.... [Mar. 10th, 2008|09:07 pm]
bijoukisses
[Current Mood |contentcontent]

Do you ever feel like you are floating through life watching yourself move through your day, talking to people, eating, exercising, what have you?  There was some passage of some book that my friend (DD - he he) showed me one day when she picked me up from carpooling... It was about being conscious, or rather unconscious... sleepwalking through your day.  There are definitely times many days where all of a sudden I somehow regain my awareness and realize that I have no idea how I functioned throughout my day.  I had absolutely no idea where I was or what I had been thinking just minutes before.  Hmmmm....
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The Characters [Mar. 9th, 2008|09:22 pm]
bijoukisses
I will introduce you to the characters in my life.  I am not going to call them by their real names mostly because I don't really want some of them to know it's about them, but mostly to amuse myself with quirky names for my friends and enemies.  You may or may not be able to tell from the names, but most likely will be able to tell from the stories.

I have already introduced you to Slow Your Roll... I think that I will also refer to her as Syrup 1) because it is only one word, and 2) because we both love maple candy... close enough. 

There is DD... Syrup's girlfriend.  She is DD to stand for Demure Diva.  She's not really a diva, but there's a running joke about how prissy she is so it seemed fitting.  Plus I love alliteration. 

I will refer to myself as I, me, sometimes as part of a we, and maybe even a they now and then.  You'll figure it out!

There is my girlfriend...
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Ok, I did it! (And other random thoughts) [Mar. 7th, 2008|04:00 pm]
bijoukisses
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]

Ok ladies (you know who you are!), universe, whoever... I now have a live journal.  So for the past few days my horoscope has been consistently telling me that I should write something.  I am not a writer... or at least I do not see myself as one.  I guess I would call myself an artist, but like everyone else on the planet, I don't really think that my art is worthy of the title.  I am an art teacher and I still want to say things like "I can't draw."  I only have recently been able to convince myself of the things I tell my students all the time.  I won't get in to it because frankly I am just tired of hearing myself say it.  So for now, I will tell you that I am a fabulous artist and you should buy lots of my work so that I can become rich and famous before I am a dead old white guy (ooops, oh year, there are other artists aren't there????!!!)  So just to clarify, that comment was not meant to be offensive to anyone (except maybe the dead old white guys who get all the credit for everything, but really have just been hogging the spotlight for centuries!)

So you know that quote: "Well behaved women never make history"?  Well I know it too, but I can't really remember why I was going to quote it... I stopped to look it up to make sure that I had it correct and completely forgot what I was going to say.  Oh well.  So here is the real glimpse into my mind.  Are you ready?  Are you really ready?/???  In my profile, I couldn't quite decide what to tell you about who I am and what my journal will be about.  I think that is because I have absolutely no idea myself.  This is what you can expect (maybe).  A lot of sentences ( or fragments of sentences, unfinished thoughts, etc.) that end in ...., lots of side comments in parentheses (I sometimes make side comments about my side comments).  By the way, have you ever read SARK? I worship her.  And Bell Hooks too, but they are on such opposite sides of the feminist spectrum.  Oh no, did I just use the "F" word???? (I must be a man-hater! Not true, I have many man friends, but I must confess that I "like" women much more because for the most part they are just sooooo much sexier! (Sorry guys!)  See, a side comment on my side comment.)  Okay, to get back on track, you will also find that I get off track very easily.  You never know what is going on in my head.  If you figure it out, please let me know.  I am VERY sarcastic and that may be an understatement.  Sometimes I worry that my sarcasm will not be read correctly in print since sometimes even face to face people don't "get" me.  This post may be turning into my bio.  Well, I guess when you read someone's "random thoughts" you will probably get some image of them whether it is correct or not.  You may not always be able to follow the chain of events that has lead me from one thought to the next, but don't worry about that.  Just be amused regardless of the fact that you have absolutely no clue what I am talking about.  I have found that I swear much more in person than when I write.  It just seems so naughty to put the unedited versions of my thoughts on paper (ha! how old am I??? no one uses paper anymore.... you can print this if you would like, though.  That would be fun.  You could print it and put it on the back of the artwork that you bought from me and hundreds of years from now when I am just another dead old white woman, someone will try to analyze me to put a blurb in a text book.  Do you think there will still be textbooks, or we they all learn everything from Wikipedia???? Hmmmmm....).  Believe it or not, I actually did pass grammar in school, and with quite good grades I may add... but since no one is forcing me to complete my sentences anymore, or stop them before they become an entire paragraph with no punctuation, I have just stopped doing it.  Perhaps this is why the universe (and those two ladies who know who you are) have been telling me that I need to write.  Maybe they are just trying to tell me in a polite manner that I need to work on my grammar. 

One of these said ladies ( I remember the first time I ever saw the word "said" used in this manner.  I was in, oh I don't remember what grade, not important.  Anyway, we were reading "primary sources" documents about my town and the description of this property owners land described it as from someplace to this special tree and then from "said" tree to another landmark.  Funny that I still think of that MANY years later.  Do you have weird, random memories like that?)  So back to my original thought.... One of these said ladies whom I will refer to from this point forward as "Slow Your Roll" told me that I tell stories in excruciating detail and that I should write.  You may all now be sending her secret death wishes, but I say, that if you have read this far and are extremely annoyed by me, or hating Slow Your Roll because of it, then you are just plain stupid and should find other hobbies.

Well, I think that is all I have for today's entertainment.  I could probably keep writing all night, because that is how my brain works (it doesn't really ever stop... I know, exhausting!).  Speaking of night... I have some really strange dreams that I should share with you.  Once I figure out this whole live journal thing, maybe I will figure out a way to post a whole section of my dreams.  That would definitely be fun.  I could even categorize them like they do movies or video games!
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